The Expire-ables

Seems anyone who’s pulled a calf muscle between 1979 – 1995 will be getting some face-time in Sly Stallone’s ensemble sequel, The Expendables 2.

Set to join returning cast members Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham and Jet Li are former cameo-makers Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis (whom Stallone says will both have significant roles this time around). Stallone is pushing the nostalgia envelope to tearing point with casting news that everyone’s favourite double-denim-high-kicker Chuck Norris, and the ‘muscles from Brussels’ Jean-Claude Van Damme, are also on-board!
No word yet on what (if anything) the storyline will focus on, however Stallone confirmed to Entertainment Weekly that he and Van Damme will lock limbs.

“We’ll have a big showdown between me and Van Damme, which has been anticipated for a long time, so it should be a good one,” says the 65-year-old Oscar-nominated actor and writer. Plus, 90-year-old Mickey Rooney is also aboard playing an unnamed, machine-gun wielding tollgate attendant. Nah, we made that bit up… but the Oscar noms for Sly are true!

So just how old is too old? How many “Just like the ’70s” jokes can we hear before a throw-back becomes a throw-up. Even Jet Li is 48-years-old; but in fairness could deck the lot of ‘em standing on his head.

Of course, Stallone and pals aren’t the only examples of the ‘never letting go’ attitude we’ve seen from over-the-hill action stars. Harder roads were paved by the likes of Clint Eastwood, 58 when he played Harry Callahan in the disastrous late ’80s The Dead Pool. So too Roger Moore last time he was Bond in ‘85′s A View to a Kill where Grace Jones bashed him!?

However the cake-taker goes to Harrison Ford who looked every bit of his 66 years when he donned the hat, whip, jacket and chinos for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and we all know how that turned out. He dodged a nuclear blast in a fridge… IN A F*&KING FRIDGE!

On the flip-side, Charles Bronson was 54 when he made Hard Times (AKA The Streetfighter). No steroids, wheat grass or protein shakes here, dear friends.

With a combined age of 501 (minus Mickey Rooney), The Expendables 2 hopes to be abusing theatres August 2012.